Death, again

I have titled this post "Death again" because in just ten days I have witnessed death twice. For 21 years I have been hearing about death, but not touching it or anyone of my closest family members. My two grandfathers have died before I was born, and my father's aunt died when I was young so do other family members like second place uncles and aunts, but because I was very young then I didn't care, it was only a day where everybody wears black an griefs the dead.


Ten days ago, my father's cousin who I always loved and respected as my own uncle and grandfather, has died due leaver cancer. It wasn't a shock for us, because he was in his seventies ( I'm not saying that if he is in this age, he must die! No, but because since he had this disease who rarely anyone survives from and everyone is expecting his day to come sooner or later.) I thought that this is the only death experience I would witness in the mean while, of course I turned to be mistake. No one knew that another death incident would happen just ten days after the funeral.

My father's cousin who died from cancer was in a quarrel with his nephew who the later claimed that his aunt's will said that everything she owns goes to him and only him. Despite the core problem, the two parts stayed away from each other without any kind of communication for more than 5 years till the day when the uncle has died and the nephew came to support his uncle's family. No one welcomed him and everyone talked about how cruel and rude he was towards his uncle in his life and how he is faking his sadness now.
Even me, I talked about how Hippocratic he seemed to be and how he is a show off person.

Today at 3 pm, the phone ran, it was broken for since Sunday and at noon today it rang to deliver the awful news that an accident happen to this man who I'm talking about who is my father's cousin's son.

The details..

(T) was ridding next to his son with his wife, mother and daughter in the back seat to Jerusalem to eat dinner at his sister's house. A strange vehicle suddenly went out of its track, jumped over the island in the middle of the street, and ran into the right side of (T)'s car. The hit was hard, at the moment, (T)'s wife passed away (some people say that her head was separated away from her body!) (T) was hit on his head too, he was rushed to the hospital with a serious injury in the head which for this very moment it still bleeding with a serious skull break. His mother, son, and little daughter who I feel petty for for seeing such an inhuman act are fine.

Death, can take from us our beloved ones, enemies, haters, friends, family members, but the most important thing that it teaches us a very important lesson that no one is larger than life, even if you were the richest, the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most talented, the strongest, or the most powerful person in the world, you can't defeat Death! you can't stop in its face, because it has no face. Death can take you away in any moment, and there is no second chance. I'm not trying to glorify death, but after those two experiences I feel like we (human) worth nothing, but the good reputation which may stay after us to comfort our people and to give them hope in life. 

Gaga love her or hate her?

The first thing I have learned during studying English Literature for 4 years is that paying attention criticizing and judging the art work not the artist. I believe that the artist should hide behind her/his art work and do not explain it to the audience for many reason. One because explaining it you are depriving the work from its mysteriously and you are preventing this viewer from working out her/his mind in order to at least think about the hidden meaning (if there was one) behind your art work. Unfortunately, I didn’t do that when it came to music. I always tended to judge the person behind the work. One of my victims is Lady Gaga.

When it comes to this performer I stop to think for a little while because simply she doesn’t clarifies herself at least to me in other words I’m not sure if I like her or not. Before discussing my feelings towards her I want to mention how silly we are (the audience) in so many ways. Monthly or maybe daily a new performer appears on the scene in many genres rock, pop, R&B, rap, country music…etc and we directly assume that we are supposed to love them all, but the truth is totally the opposite first because we are human and we can’t love or at least like everyone, we most of the times hate ourselves so imagine when it comes to love a stranger! And also because we were born or lets say raised to a specific or a particular kind of music, personally because of my admiration to gothic novels and well written thriller and horror movies I tend to bend over the side of rock or soft rock music especially the ones that deal with the dark side of the world and humanity, but it also doesn’t hold me back from listening and enjoying by singing along to hundreds of pop and country songs. Going back to hating and liking the new performers who pop out regularly on our T.V screens, our You Tube channel, and radio stations without our permission of course, these people for sure are one of us, they might be our neighbor, daughter, son, brother, second cousin, an old friend from high school, a person who we once dated, or met at a party, or even a teenager who we liked and subscribed his or her videos over lonely nights. These people who because of several reason such as luck, hard work, money, relations, fate, or simply talents succeeded to live this dream that many of us desire which is to be famous in particularly in art, because you can be famous in any field you wish.

These people who started by presenting themselves through a song or an album are testing us in the same way we are testing them. They feel afraid from the rejection, they feel pressured from their producers and production companies because if they didn’t sell well, or the people didn’t accept them as expected their contract will be cancelled. Once we start to feel a connection between ourselves and their music and personalities their stock in fame house starts to rise and the more we buy their albums, watch their videos, buy tickets for their concerts their star shines more and more till like the others who preceded them thy melt in that sky away from us to appear later as a god figure who writes songs and sings them for us, dresses and speaks and supports specific cases in our name, not because they should believe in that, but it’s an industry an open market where you have to meet the demander’s needs and our need is to listen to a good music that makes us cry, reminds us of an old lover, a dead beloved one, a betrayer, a mean friend, and a lost land, or motivates us to pursue our dreams and to make us believe that there is nothing called impossible and we have to believe in ourselves because we worth it, and each one of us is beautiful in his or her own way and we are all equal regardless to our different colors, origins, languages, sexual orientation, religion, political views, and music tastes. Isn’t this what they provide us with! To be who you are! Which it is great! Really great! And we should learn from them from their songs, despite knowing that most of them (not all of them) are saying that because this is what we want them to say in front of the cameras, because non of us want to see his or her favorite artist glorifies what is suppose to be forbidden in any culture such as sex before marriage in (conservative cultures) or unprotected sex, drugs, alcohols, blasphemy, suicide, self punishments, or any other kind of “wrong” behavior you may believe in.

The truth is that all of them do at least one of these things, whether you like it or not! Not because they want to challenge you! No! But because they are human like us! Like the people who do these things and watch them!

All of this leads me to start talking about Gaga! Gaga no one can deny that she’s a clever woman who knows what she’s doing, she targeted her audience from the beginning, and sharp her claws against her enemies by producing a special kind of music that she believes that it’s missing and her fans need it much. I totally agree with her when it comes to this point, because the subjects she’s arguing about in her songs were used to be some how “forbidden subjects” and all the performers who came before her such as Madonna have talked about the same subjects (sex. religion, expressing yourself, duality in feelings and sexuality, pushing the boundaries, challenging the self) and much more but in a lower doze, or that what some people are comfortable to say.

In 2008, Gaga has appeared with her hit album “Fame” and in a blink of an eye she was transferred from a new comer into a diva! An icon of fashion, music and an idol for many people, who maybe have lost their faith in their traditional idols, for several reasons. 

One song after the other, one video and after the other, one concert after the other Gaga has found herself climbing the leader of fame in the lightning speed; of course I can’t say that fate has only played a role in all of this! No, and then another No. Gaga isn’t a stupid or a brat performer who leaves everything to her manager or production company to do instead of her, she’s a control freak who knows about every single thing when it comes to her clothes, shows and songs, she doesn’t do anything without a deep pre thinking about it, even the most controversial songs, I believe that she has deliberately meant to put controversial words or images to provoke and to make people talk about her! Isn’t this what all famous people would kill for! Talking about them by the press and people! Yah sure, fame is all about being under the spot light, and what is the other to break through this human mountain of extremely talented people if you don’t want to shine by screaming “I’m different”!

Hell yah she’s different, whether I like it or not! She’s different and she’s working on herself to be more different because unlike the real world where being different means being an outsider, being a freak, being bullied on, being an alien! In fame being different means being more talented and creative.

I love creative people in any field, I love the artists who know what they want to present to the people, and they work hard on attracting people’s eyes to their art works and then leave it to them to decide if they like it or not! And you may not find one person in the world that all the people agree on, even Jesus Christ who sacrificed himself for the sake of humanity you will find millions of people who if they hate him, don’t believe in him, or even don’t know about him, and we are talking about Jesus! Not a simple human being like Gaga!

Why some people hate Gaga that much! 

I asked myself this question before asking it to you, and the answer isn’t simple because you can’t frame or define a person with labels. I know that we have invented millions of labels to differentiate ourselves from others and this is very wrong because we are more than a word, more than a color or a desire! We are humans and humans learn by experience and I believe that judging a person just because he or she believes in a different thing than we do is a huge wrong.

Many people hate Lady Gaga’s music as if we are all supposed to love her and it’s a shock to hate her. Okay, I hate Marilyn Manson and no protests on that, because it’s my own opinion and I don’t have to force it on others. I may say that I don’t like Lady Gaga and that’s it, the best thing to do in this case is to not listen to her music, to not watch her videos if they offend me in a certain way, and by that I’m ending this fight between myself and the other over a singer who is one of hundreds or thousands of other singers who do the same but because she got this extra attention from media and people, the judgments are harder on her.

The other reason for hating her by some people is the use of many symbolic biblical symbols in her songs and videos! But who doesn’t do that? I’m not saying that it’s right or wrong? But who doesn’t! Madonna did and still does, and people attacked her when she started mixing those sexual themes with the religious ones and look now what doe we have, Gaga who is whether you like it or not, the new Madonna, she looks a lot like her, she dresses a lot like her, some of her hit songs sound like Madonna’s her logo of being who you are and expressing yourself was presented before she was even born, by Madonna, and now we are attacking her forgetting that if we surfed the net for half an hour we would find many other artists who do worst than this. Especially after examining some of her controversial songs, where she uses the name of Christ a lot, cross, holy, God, Judas, and many other references to Christianity I found out that she’s using them to express a deeper thought, or using them as a metaphor or an allusion to another thing which is totally healthy and acceptable in Art, so why do they attack her this much!

The answer is because according to some people, she’s using these symbols in an inappropriate way, but who gave us the right to say that? God? Jesus? The Church? Yes, maybe…. And maybe not, if you want to study it from the point of view that thinks that religion is for everyone, you are free to understand it in your own way, no one will come to force you to believe in something you don’t believe in, or now one will change your thought about a certain aspect if you really aren’t ready to be changed. I believe in Jesus, but I don’t go to church, it has been a long time since I went there, I don’t pray a lot, maybe when I need something, or when I feel in a need of a higher power to look upon me, which is wrong and this again my belief, so why do I have to judge her while I’m not a good Christian, and who said that I should judge her! I can criticize her work, say what I like in it and what I didn’t and why, I can stop listing to her and to move to another artist who meets my expectations and shares with me my beliefs, and this just ends this struggle inside of me and inside of many others.

At, last, I have reached a conclusion, that I don’t hate Lady Gaga, but I don’t like some of her songs and some of her late videos because they in my point of you misrepresent some of the things I believe in, and I’m ready to listen to her as a performer, to dance on her songs, but not necessarily to call myself a fan and after all she’s not my idol, or even an inspirational person, because I have other people who inspire me to be a better person and to love myself without singing “Born this way!”

http://gagajournal.blogspot.com/ 

http://canonianblack.blogspot.com/2011/05/lady-gaga-judas.html

Day nightmare!

Yesterday I got a message from a friend warning me that one of my students that I asked to leave the class a is planning to hit me. I went to my bathroom, closed the door and stood in front of the mirror as usual to practice how I'm supposed to tell the students why I kicked him outside and because I didn't know that he was sent for two days I wanted to talk to him one on one.

The next day came, the student didn't come, and I didn't open the subject with any of the students, because before reaching their class I head to the class teacher who is their class teacher and told him what I have heard and what may happen, he left me and I didn't know where did he go, but I assumed that he went to talk to them. The day had passed quickly with nothing to mention, till I reached home and found a message from the same friend telling me that the student's father is the one who threatened to hit me!





         At the moment I couldn't think about anything but how should I escape from this problem. Images of me
walking on the street being hit by a car, or going out from the school before being struck by a baseball stick, or even being shot by a gun had came to my mind, and I found myself having day nightmares.

I still don't know what to do, or how to react to the situation if the student didn't come tomorrow, but if he does I will talk to him about it.  

A student threatens to hit a Teacher!

Because I got a comment from my dearest friend (L) that my other blog is a little bit long (which it's! :()) I will make this as shorter as possible.

As a teacher who has to deal with teens, stepping up to each one's acceptance is impossible! I always get claims from some students about not getting a certain point, or complaining about the exam "It's too long Teacher!" they say or "It's so hard! I will fail." All of these complains are normal and they can be cured by repeating the difficult point or by encouraging them to study for the upcoming exam, but what is really hard to cure and to deal with is the bad behavior that sometimes reaches to threating the teacher of hitting him/her.

In one of the two classes I teach I have this student who I would like to call (T). T is a very intelligent student who used to get full marks at the beginning of the semester, but later he started neglecting himself and his classes. First, he stopped studying for his exams, gave up participating in class, kept forgetting his books and his homeworks till that yesterday when he couldn't stop shouting like a goat! and hitting with an iron ruler his wooden desk. I tried for two times to warn him that if he wouldn't stop what he's doing I will have to send him to the principle office, but he refused to listen. He closed his ears and pretended that I was joking with him. After extra few minutes of shouting and hammering I opened the door and asked him to leave the class, of course as all the students do when it comes to this point, he pinned himself to his chair and glued his hands on his closed book in front of him and just refused to go out. I could easily forgive him, close the door and simply ignore that behavior, but I had enough from the same act everyday so I insisted on him to leave the class and he insisted more on staying. More than seven minutes have passed and I didn't move away from the open door and he didn't move an inch from his desk, till I used my other weapon, threating him by forbidding him from coming on the final exam. When I told him that, I thought that he would feel afraid and obey me to go outside, but he increased his shouting and challenged me by saying " You can't do that! I will come to the exam despite your will."

If I let him in class after those words I would be encouraging the other students of doing the same and I would be sending a message that what he is doing is acceptable. A minute later I found myself leaving the class and heading as a raged bull towards the principle's office, I didn't have time to tell her the whole story, but I told her " T is misbehaving again, he's challenging me in front of the students, and he refused to go out from the class." The principle followed me to the class room, where she took him out with his bag. I continued my class normally.

Later in the afternoon while I was checking my Facebook page I got a message from a friend saying that she heard that T is planning to hit me tomorrow. I smiled, because I knew what I have to do exactly.

Tomorrow I will tell you if I got hit or I survived the day! hopefully! 

Teaching- five months of shouting and beautiful memories...

As my period as an English teacher in one of my town's high schools has come to an end I've decided to write about this exceptional experience. Five months ago, I was sitting at home and complaining from not finding a job, suddenly a friend of mine whose mother works as a religion teacher in a Catholic school told me that the principle of that school that her mother works at is looking for a new English teacher, and because she knows me she nominated me for this job. I can't deny that I felt happy, but also scared. I always said that I will not never ever teach, because teaching is the job of the uncreative people who can't find a good job, but now I'm glad to say no, this isn't the case. Teaching is so much different and it's more than just a job.

After turning the idea inside my mind, asking my friends and family I agreed to go to the interview where I met the principle who had a long chat with me, looked at my C.V and my official papers and finally gave me another appointment to meet her before deciding whether taking me in or not. Even that she didn't say clearly if she does want me or not, but I sense it so I walked out with a little hope.

In the few next days I revived a phone call from her telling me that she has approved on hiring me as the new English teacher and she added that she wants to meet me again before the Christmas break to decide on the money, time and the classes I would teach. So I went, we talked about the money which it's not very much (it's the case with teaching!No money!) time, and finally about the grades. I remember the second I heard "You will the 11 and the 10th grades!" I felt a cold numb running under my skin, I lost the ability of speaking as started suturing from the shock.

I'm still an undergraduate student, who doesn't have the experience in life or even in language to be able to teach two advanced classes. I tried to convince her if she can give me middle classes, but it appeared to me that the reason why I was there that there isn't an English teacher for those classes, because the previous teacher had to leave after the first semester. I found myself trapped between accepting the offer and refusing it. I remember going home and laying on my bed and thinking about what I have done. I have accepted the offer to teach those classes. Although, everyone congratulated me on getting this job, I didn't feel the joy, because I wasn't sure if I can handle such a responsibility.

All the jobs I have been into were a cashier in a restaurant, a seller in a clothes shop, a drama trainer in a summer camp, but nothing was is the seriousness this job appeared to be. Christmas break has started, the school closed its gates, and I locked myself with my fear through the whole holiday in my room or if i wasn't in my room, outside, but still thinking about this horrific situation I have thrown myself into. At night I had nightmares about the students spitting on me, hitting me, laughing at me, the teachers not talking to me, I'm failing to deliver any information, the chalks break in my hand every time I start writing on the board. These nightmare continued even after I got the material books, and started preparing by looking up some information on the internet,  and reading other guide books.

After less than 17 days, Christmas break has finished and my first day at school was my first day also at my university, but because of the pressure I felt that day I didn't go to my classes in the university and decided to dedicate that day to the school.

I dressed well, made sure that I got everything needed in my bag, such as the books, papers, and pens. I walked into the school building then headed to the main office where I had a quick conversation with the principle who tried to encourage me and to tell me that there isn't anything to be scared of. I wanted to believe her so badly, but I couldn't, maybe because I didn't see the students before, so their images kept bursting in front of eyes as huge green hulks and scary witches.

The two classes were in the third store, but because I have arrived early I took my right and went to the teacher's room where all the teachers gather around their tables and chairs, eating, talking, correcting papers and talking about each others! I knocked the door and stepped in. All the eyes turned at me and welcomed me to sit in a specific empty chair. They were kind and welcoming, and I tried my best to show them my gratitude. After five minutes or a little bit more the bell rang, some of the teachers left the room and I did so. I went to the 11th grade where my first class was.

The class wasn't big enough for the 26 students. Both the Art and the science section take English together at the same time. There was a small wooden squared table in front of the board and the students sat in their seats with their hawk eyes starring at me. I felt that they were checking everything about me, my pants, my shoes, my shirt, my hair, my ears, the shape of my lips, the roundness of my eyes and the way I spoke.

Thanks for the long years of acting and Drama courses, I knew how to hide my fear and a cold mask. I stood next to the table and started asking the students for their names, they all told me their names and I told them mine. Afterwards, because I thought that this was the first class and I shouldn't give them a lesson from the first time, I wanted to make them play a game. I divided the class into two groups and put some miss ordered words on the board. They had to find out the ordered word, or if they couldn't they should find out the maximum number of words. During the game one of the girls shouted "rough..rough" I heard her and I wrote it on the board, but as "ruff" in this point all the students started laughing, thinking that I did a dreadful spelling mistake. Despite telling them that there is something called "ruff" they kept this image of me as a bad speller in their mind, and I think that this was one of the reasons that made me feel that they have lost a very important thing in me that day, reliability.

Directly, when I went home I tried not to ignore that issue and forced myself to deal with it before it increases. So I sat with myself and started writing the words that I thought that I might write wrong, and they were many. Now after 5 months of teaching, I can say that that incidents that happened on the first day has taught me how to be more careful in choosing my words and presenting them.

The months have passed and by everyday I discovered a new thing about them, and they did the same to me. We laughed with each other, we joked, we shouted, we screamed, we had those boring moments when the lesson is very hard or silly, we watched many videos and movies, we wrote many articles, essays, short paragraphs, they cheated and I punished them, they listened to music in class and I took their phones, they cried and I was there for them to comfort them and to explain for them why did I make them cry. Many happy and angry moments have passed in the both classes not just in the 11th grade.

The 10th grade had a very different situation. They refused to change, they refused to change their studying techniques, a thing I asked them to do so they can be with me on the same track, and many of them refused to listen and to calm down in class. This class has a huge diversity in the order of behavior and the academic achievement. There are the calm student who study at home and listen to me in class, there is the calm ones who stay silent in class, but they don't study at home, there is the very hyper ones who keep talking and shouting in class, but they get good marks, and there are the ones who don't care about the material,  who keep making a noise and don't study. All of these different kinds with a few exceptions made it harder on me to be able to follow them all, but by time I have managed to know everyone, how does s/he behave in class, how does s/he answer their exams, what are their weaknesses and their strength.

Moreover, three of the tenth grader were devils from hell, they used to keep shouting, singing, eating, jumping, hitting each other and the other student, not studying or even bothering themselves in pretending that they care. These three male students gave me a hard time in finding the perfect way in dealing with them, in addressing them, and without knowing how I found them turning to calmer people who at least are ready to hear your advice to them.

I think that their problem was that the school has decided to kick them out of its campus after the end of the year, so each one of them can move to another school because they are getting bad marks and their behavior is awful! The worst thing of all of this, that the school has told them about its decision which made them more careless, because they knew that there is no hope in staying in the class, forgetting that they need to pass their classes if they want to transfer to another school!  The moment I knew this I started working with them on how we can improve our image in front of the school, so at least we would get a good recommendation paper from the school we have spent in more than 14 years. The students at the beginning refused to listen to me, but slowly I found that they were trying to control their anger less than before, trying to talk to me after classes , asking me how do I feel towards their behavior in that particular day, and I was sure to give them a positive feedback with an honest critical reflection on their behavior so they would be motivated and in the same time aware that they still doing something wrong.

I changed their places, put each one in a different place, I worked with them individually by giving them extra homeworks to do and to treat them differently that others in the exams. Till one of them has really changed 360 degree, he started sitting in the front road, writing everything I say, listing to me, asking questions, even his marks have improved, and eventually the school has approved to keep him.

I know that I still need years of experience to find the perfect way in dealing with every student, that if there was one, but I don't have the years, because I have decided and it's one of the decisions I made lately that I don't want to continue teaching, at least for now. I want to complete my Seminar the next semester, maybe finding a new job where I don't have to write exams and correct papers for 7 hours everyday!

To be continued...

Ask a Gay family-reflection and commitment issues

Today I've realized after a very long time of denial and suppression that I have commitment problems. Being an artist, commitment is something essential to complete any piece of art. I draw and 90% of my drawings are incomplete, because I suddenly lose the passion to continue drawing. the same thing happens to me with writing. I love to write, even more than drawing, but every time I start to write I stop, even in the middle of the work or sometime before the end which affects badly the whole work. The same thing happens to me with reading, but fortunately less than writing and drawing, which means that I manage for many times to complete the books in my hand.

At the beginning I thought that this problem is just because of the limited time I have, the stress of work and college, or maybe the congested ideas I have in my mind that push me to stop completing a certain task for the sake of the other which I eventually don't complete. Later, the affect of this problem increased and slowly it went into my relationships, with my family, friends, and my girlfriend who is now my (x). I'm a very compassionate person, I care a lot about people specially the close ones, I try to do my best to make them happy in so many ways, but if those people went away for a short time I stop asking about them, I stop calling them, emailing them or even just sending a text message asking about their health! This put me in so many troubles with my friends who tend to care a lot, and to ask about me more than I do. All of this happened and  is still happening without me really comprehending the dilemma. Till I read in my friend's (L) blog "Writing, books, etc" which it's an amazing blog that I recommend everyone to read it, about the wonderful family of Jay and Bryan and their two amazing kids Selena and Daniel.  

Jay and Bryan are two gay men who decided to get married and to establish a family as any other two loving heterosexual partners in the world. They adopted two wonderful kids, Daniel and Selena who they care about and love. J&B has started to post somehow daily videos on their YouTube channel "depfox" under the name "Ask A Gay Family" which simply talks about everything that deals with their life as a family and as a married couple. 

Since then I've started watching their videos on a daily basis for two reasons actually first because I really want to break this iced wall between my heart and my traditional mind in accepting and understanding gay people. second, because I felt even before watching their videos that I will learn something, I will get answers for my many questions directly from the people who I fear from approaching in street, because I was raised to hate them, to disgrace them, and to think that they are sinners. 

The first video I have watched is this one

Ask A Gay 

Family Ep. 

1 Is Daniel Disabled 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59n7KINHxGI&feature=relmfu 

where J&B are talking about the difficulties of adopting children, and how there are hundreds of young children who are waiting for a kind family to come and embrace them regardless if this family a gay or a straight family, because what is really important is the love and caring this family can give to these children. This concept of a gay family adopts two children opened my eyes first on how these two guys are super-incredible for adding a huge responsibility on their shoulders and second, it opened my eyes on how I am a selfish human who's only good in criticizing and accusing people, just because they are different than me.  

From one video to the other I continued watching them, and quickly I felt as knowing them for a long time, because they really break this stereotypical image of gay men, who used to be introduced to us through movies, news, religion, society as  sex and drug addicts, who roam the streets shirtless, abusing themselves and others, walking in a strange "sissy" way, not believing in God or any spiritual entity or power. All of these prejudgment images are completely missing from the picture. On the contrary we see two healthy handsome men, who dedicated their lives to raise two amazing kids by themselves through respecting and loving each others as humans and not sex predictors.  

I humbly believe that this is very important to be seen by many people out there, because they are truly a healthy and a fair example of what any family should be like in spite of the religion it follows, the beliefs it clings to, the society it lives in, the norms it teaches its children on, the language it speaks, the clothes it wears and more. I believe that the more we are different the more we accept each other, the more we get to know ourselves and the other. 

You may wonder what does this have to do with the problem commitment I addressed at the beginning? the answer is through finishing this article I'm actually managed to complete my first challenge which it's finishing this blog! Moreover, being a Christian who was born and raised and still live with my Christian family puts a special kind of pressure on me in order of accepting gays,  since homosexuality is conceder to be a sin in the bible and whoever commits or accepts it is also regarded as a sinner. So how can I call myself a true Christian who believes in God and Jesus who are in mt belief refer to the same entity and to accept homosexuals in my life? This question was hard to be answered by me before today, but after I watched J&B's second video 

Ask A Gay Family Ep. 4 God & Religion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvEUI9CPjEg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvEUI9CPjEg

I started to rethink in my previous understanding of the whole concept of homosexuality. B&J are gay Christians, who believe in the same God I believe in, the same Jesus I worship, and they go every Sunday to church. not as if I'm saying that if they weren't active Christians I wouldn't accept them! NO! but as they broke the stereotypical image of gay men in order of appearance, they are now breaking the image that claims that gays are atheists, who don't believe in God or any spiritual being. 

I would be a liar if I said that I knew that, or I believed that before and to be honest it was one of the most critical questions I always wondered about in my head about gay people in the boundaries of my religion who clarifies them as sinners and categorizes them with the thieves, criminals and the killers who will go to hell eventually, also according to my belief! So what is the truth! Do Gays believe in God!? I think that it would be stupid to ask this question! Of course they can! and saying can, doesn't mean that I'm giving them the permission to believe in God! No! but because as the case of "straight" people who have the freedom to believe in God or not, gays also have the ones who believe and the ones who don't even in the God of Christianity that says that homosexuality is a sin! 

Furthermore, as Jay has said and I completely agree with him that the bible as all the Christian know isn't written by God himself, but it was inspired by him and it was written by us the human beings. Hence, the man wrote the bible with an inspiration from God, mistakes might happen, and personal views and cultural traditions would be involved in the writing of this holy book, so if we looked at the subject of homosexuality from this point we may understand that God really doesn't hate gays, and homosexuality isn't a sin because it's the man who suggested this norm according to was believed in that time, and unfortunately continued and formed our present with all its inequality.  

In addition to all of this we all need the right to be respected by others regardless if we were different than them, because being different doesn't mean being wrong, but it means being unique and exceptional. 

Eventually, I got to finish this blog which means that I have completed my first challenge and ready for the second one which it's reading the bible because I really need to know my religion away from all the people who try to tell me what is already between my hands hoping that by reading it I will understand the other more and to accept it because Gos is love, and Jesus said "Love you enemies as you love yourselves" and gays aren't my enemies or yours! they are the taxi driver who takes you to work everyday, your friend who you share lunch with, your cousin, your brother, your sister, your son, and your teacher!