Today I've realized after a very long time of denial and suppression that I have commitment problems. Being an artist, commitment is something essential to complete any piece of art. I draw and 90% of my drawings are incomplete, because I suddenly lose the passion to continue drawing. the same thing happens to me with writing. I love to write, even more than drawing, but every time I start to write I stop, even in the middle of the work or sometime before the end which affects badly the whole work. The same thing happens to me with reading, but fortunately less than writing and drawing, which means that I manage for many times to complete the books in my hand.
The first video I have watched is this one
At the beginning I thought that this problem is just because of the limited time I have, the stress of work and college, or maybe the congested ideas I have in my mind that push me to stop completing a certain task for the sake of the other which I eventually don't complete. Later, the affect of this problem increased and slowly it went into my relationships, with my family, friends, and my girlfriend who is now my (x). I'm a very compassionate person, I care a lot about people specially the close ones, I try to do my best to make them happy in so many ways, but if those people went away for a short time I stop asking about them, I stop calling them, emailing them or even just sending a text message asking about their health! This put me in so many troubles with my friends who tend to care a lot, and to ask about me more than I do. All of this happened and is still happening without me really comprehending the dilemma. Till I read in my friend's (L) blog "Writing, books, etc" which it's an amazing blog that I recommend everyone to read it, about the wonderful family of Jay and Bryan and their two amazing kids Selena and Daniel.
Jay and Bryan are two gay men who decided to get married and to establish a family as any other two loving heterosexual partners in the world. They adopted two wonderful kids, Daniel and Selena who they care about and love. J&B has started to post somehow daily videos on their YouTube channel "depfox" under the name "Ask A Gay Family" which simply talks about everything that deals with their life as a family and as a married couple.
Since then I've started watching their videos on a daily basis for two reasons actually first because I really want to break this iced wall between my heart and my traditional mind in accepting and understanding gay people. second, because I felt even before watching their videos that I will learn something, I will get answers for my many questions directly from the people who I fear from approaching in street, because I was raised to hate them, to disgrace them, and to think that they are sinners.
The first video I have watched is this oneAsk A Gay
Family Ep.
1 Is Daniel Disabled
where J&B are talking about the difficulties of adopting children, and how there are hundreds of young children who are waiting for a kind family to come and embrace them regardless if this family a gay or a straight family, because what is really important is the love and caring this family can give to these children. This concept of a gay family adopts two children opened my eyes first on how these two guys are super-incredible for adding a huge responsibility on their shoulders and second, it opened my eyes on how I am a selfish human who's only good in criticizing and accusing people, just because they are different than me.
From one video to the other I continued watching them, and quickly I felt as knowing them for a long time, because they really break this stereotypical image of gay men, who used to be introduced to us through movies, news, religion, society as sex and drug addicts, who roam the streets shirtless, abusing themselves and others, walking in a strange "sissy" way, not believing in God or any spiritual entity or power. All of these prejudgment images are completely missing from the picture. On the contrary we see two healthy handsome men, who dedicated their lives to raise two amazing kids by themselves through respecting and loving each others as humans and not sex predictors.
I humbly believe that this is very important to be seen by many people out there, because they are truly a healthy and a fair example of what any family should be like in spite of the religion it follows, the beliefs it clings to, the society it lives in, the norms it teaches its children on, the language it speaks, the clothes it wears and more. I believe that the more we are different the more we accept each other, the more we get to know ourselves and the other.
You may wonder what does this have to do with the problem commitment I addressed at the beginning? the answer is through finishing this article I'm actually managed to complete my first challenge which it's finishing this blog! Moreover, being a Christian who was born and raised and still live with my Christian family puts a special kind of pressure on me in order of accepting gays, since homosexuality is conceder to be a sin in the bible and whoever commits or accepts it is also regarded as a sinner. So how can I call myself a true Christian who believes in God and Jesus who are in mt belief refer to the same entity and to accept homosexuals in my life? This question was hard to be answered by me before today, but after I watched J&B's second video
Ask A Gay Family Ep. 4 God & Religion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvEUI9CPjEg
I started to rethink in my previous understanding of the whole concept of homosexuality. B&J are gay Christians, who believe in the same God I believe in, the same Jesus I worship, and they go every Sunday to church. not as if I'm saying that if they weren't active Christians I wouldn't accept them! NO! but as they broke the stereotypical image of gay men in order of appearance, they are now breaking the image that claims that gays are atheists, who don't believe in God or any spiritual being.
I would be a liar if I said that I knew that, or I believed that before and to be honest it was one of the most critical questions I always wondered about in my head about gay people in the boundaries of my religion who clarifies them as sinners and categorizes them with the thieves, criminals and the killers who will go to hell eventually, also according to my belief! So what is the truth! Do Gays believe in God!? I think that it would be stupid to ask this question! Of course they can! and saying can, doesn't mean that I'm giving them the permission to believe in God! No! but because as the case of "straight" people who have the freedom to believe in God or not, gays also have the ones who believe and the ones who don't even in the God of Christianity that says that homosexuality is a sin!
Furthermore, as Jay has said and I completely agree with him that the bible as all the Christian know isn't written by God himself, but it was inspired by him and it was written by us the human beings. Hence, the man wrote the bible with an inspiration from God, mistakes might happen, and personal views and cultural traditions would be involved in the writing of this holy book, so if we looked at the subject of homosexuality from this point we may understand that God really doesn't hate gays, and homosexuality isn't a sin because it's the man who suggested this norm according to was believed in that time, and unfortunately continued and formed our present with all its inequality.
In addition to all of this we all need the right to be respected by others regardless if we were different than them, because being different doesn't mean being wrong, but it means being unique and exceptional.
Eventually, I got to finish this blog which means that I have completed my first challenge and ready for the second one which it's reading the bible because I really need to know my religion away from all the people who try to tell me what is already between my hands hoping that by reading it I will understand the other more and to accept it because Gos is love, and Jesus said "Love you enemies as you love yourselves" and gays aren't my enemies or yours! they are the taxi driver who takes you to work everyday, your friend who you share lunch with, your cousin, your brother, your sister, your son, and your teacher!
